Second Best
by Kia Vail-Kagami
Summary: Quite bad story about Turel's thoughts some years after Raziel's execution, rated for some slight yaoi hints.


My very first LoK fanfic and I don't like it at all. This is by far not what I wanted it to be, so if you don't mind just ignore it's existence. It isn't worth a second look… 

Disclaimer: Not mine (Lucky game!) ^^

Warning: Slight hints of yaoi.

Second Best By Kia 

I can hardly remember the sky.

Has really so much time passed since my pale skin was touched by the uncomfortable warmth of Nosgoth's sun?

The sun had never been strong here, never really warming, it's weak rays hardly making it through the dark clouds that covered the sky at any time, not as long as I remember anyway. Of course I know that it hadn't always been like this. The silly human slaves still tell tales of the time before Kain's empire, when the sun hug bright in the blue sky and flowers were blooming everywhere. Fairy tales we use to call such stories, the made-up memories of a dying race.

The time before the empire. For me, there is no such a time, neither is it for any of my remaining brothers. We have never seen it, and though we know that Nosgoth hasn't always been ruled by the vampires it doesn't matter to us and we don't care.

The only place I occasionally see a flower is in the pictures of some books in the library. Since the sun disappeared completely behind the thick layers of smoke in the sky the poor light that still comes though isn't enough to keep the land alive.

I miss the stars though, sometimes. They've disappeared too, long before the sun and it is centuries ago that I last saw the weak flicker of an incredible far away light in the eternal blackness of the night. Even the moon is long gone.

A familiar, yet unpleasant noise reaches my ear as I near the sanctuary of the clans, a barely audible but eternal thunder coming form somewhere in the distance. The never-ending roar of the abyss. It makes me shudder and I quickly try to focus my attention on something else.

The place lies dark and grey in front of me. The only colours in this part of the land are the banners of me and my brothers that softly move in the weak wind. Yellow, grey, blue, violet, green and red. My gaze stumbles over the last one, as it always does. Not for the first time I wonder why our Lord never removed the banners of our eldest brother after his execution, but left them hanging here and everywhere else as a constant reminder that nothing can be taken for granted.

Raziel had always been his favourite – Kain's beloved first-born and his second in command. Try as I might, I can't remember out Lord ever having been more than slightly angered by anything Raziel had said or done, though it might have only been his deep loyalty and respect towards Kain that kept him save from the sharp cynicism Raziel was known for.

So what was it that made Kain rip Raziel's wings out and throw him into the abyss? Was it jealousy, fury? Or plain and simple empty cruelty? Noting of it seems to make sense but then again, Kain has always been unpredictable.

As the first-born Raziel was the strongest of our small circle and though he was also the smallest in size and the youngest in mortal years some cruel joke of nature had made him one of the best looking vampires of all Nosgoth and blessed him with a sharp tongue and the same sort of arrogance we all contained. He looked like an angel of death and, sometimes, behaved like one. The human slaves used to swoon all over him whenever he was in sight, making Zephon turn green with envy. Maybe his own slaves would have shown a little more liking to my pitiful younger brother if he threatened them a bit better.

Of all my brothers, Zephon was the one that hated Raziel the most. As the second-youngest Zephon was weak, and he knew it. Only Melchiah was even weaker, causing Zephon to constantly pick on him, simply because he could. Well, at least as long as Raziel wasn't around. Our eldest brother never approved such things in his presence and as big as his mouth might have been, Zephon knew better than to provoke a fight he could not win.

With Melchiah it was another matter. He, as the youngest and weakest of my brothers, was the only one who really got along with Raziel. I guess the gab of power between them was so wide that there was no use for envy on Melchiah's part. Beside that Melchiah had always been the most calm and thoughtful of us, he probably saw no use in all those little power games we could only lose. And his good relationship to the most powerful of us kept him save from the constant taunting of Zephon in a way. I guess beside Kain Melchiah was the one who knew Raziel best. I haven't seen much of him in the past few years after his execution.

I can still hear the thunder of the water in the distance and once again I see myself walking towards the edge of the cliff beside Dumah, with our helpless brother between us, waiting to be thrown into the water. I never questioned Kain's orders as he told us to cast him in. I did not hesitate for a single second. My loyalty to our lord refused any doubt at the rightfulness of his judgement. Yet, there was a strange feeling of uncertainty inside me along with something else I could not identify, and the knowledge that if even his Raziel was dammed to such a fate, it could happen to any of us. Every security we ever had was destroyed this very moment.

Looking back, I can't say exactly what Raziel was to me. I did not hate him, not as Zephon did, in fact, I sometimes had quite some fun hanging out with him. But those moments were rare and most of the time he was just a constant reminder that I, as the second-eldest, would  also always be the second strongest, the second best.

When Kain ripped the wings from Raziel's body and ordered him into the abyss I secretly felt a tweak of joy, some twisted kind of hope that now, with him gone, I would take his place on our Lord's side. But, of course, it remained just a dream.

'Love-Hate-Relationship' would be the best word to describe what I had with Raziel. We seldom got along but now that he's gone something's missing. I did not feel much for him but this little bit is still more that I feel for any of my other brothers.

Raziel was always one to follow his own ways, never listening to others. If he hadn't been so utterly devoted to Kain, I think his behaviour would have gotten him an early and quite unpleasant death… Pretty much like it happened in the end, just sooner.

Of course there had been rumours, most of them born of jealousy and envy, about the true reasons for Raziel's high ranking, his safety from any hard punishment from our Lord's site. Rumours – of course. Utter nonsense no even slightly intelligent being would take worth a second thought, and yet it was hard to look at our older brother without having those rumours come to my mind.

Kain could give the answer but who would ever be foolish enough to ask? Certainly not me.

No-one ever knew what Kain thought, but I saw even Zephon watch his hated brother with hungry eyes, like a spider just waiting for a chance to get its pretty prey that never came. I must admit, even I was strangely drawn to his pretty features, but it was nothing more than the physical attraction one would expect while seeing one of the most attractive beings of the planet.

I still use to believe that about every vampire of Nosgoth was, in one way or another, attracted to Raziel. Just like Kain radiated power, Raziel… well, there was something beside his pretty face and soft hair, but it is hard to put my finger on it and, after all, it doesn't matter anymore, nor did it ever. For if there was one being in all Nosgoth that never noticed how he was arousing the desires of so many, it was Raziel himself. Either that, or he was a much better actor than I'd ever give him credit for.

As I enter the sanctuary I am greeted by my other brothers, Dumah, Zephon and Melchiah. Only Rahab has yet to arrive, having the longest way here. Dumah and Zephon are standing close to the entrance, discussing possible reasons for our presence here while Melchiah keeps his distance to them, looking slightly uncomfortable in the company of his older and more powerful brothers. For a second I consider the opportunity of smiling reassuringly at him, then I let it be. Raziel would have done it.

But I am not Raziel.

And when the five of us finally met with our Lord and Kain addresses me with the same sort of cool distancy as he does the others, beside me being their leader now, I realise that I will never be.

-end-

May 17, 2003


End file.
